Dishwashing inspiration
Yesterday's dinner was fine. L. made a lettuce soup and falafels with pita, though I was much more into the latter than the former. The soup was okay, but not one I'd actively wish for again. The falafels were a different and better story, particularly when combined with L.'s black bean hummus.
A lot of prep work went into making dinner, which meant plenty of cookware needed to be cleaned. I handled the dishwashing, and here's where I make a not-too-original observation: washing dishes is as close as I get to a Zen activity. No real thinking is needed for washing dishes. There is a beginning part, a middle section, and an ending. It simply is what it is. It is "doing without thinking," a task that can be accomplished in both a mindless and mindful manner.
Yet here is why I am not a Zen practitioner. While engaged in washing the cookware, my mind did wander away from the task at hand. I started asking myself about my recent bout of creativity, and where it came from. Why have I gotten back into blogging, or experimented with a film camera for the first time in 24 years1, or plotted out a potential second blog2, or started to investigate a return usage of my "big-boy" Sony camera? What's gotten into me, and why now? Within a couple of seconds, I had the answer flash in my mind: it's because of my mother's death.
While I write this post out, I am not sure if I want to talk in more detail about what happened last October. My mother's story deserves some justice, but it would require tons of writing that just isn't in the cards for me now. Perhaps on a different date? Still, what I believe is my current inspiration came from what I learned about her last few months of life. Her death at first seemed sudden, but during the process of cleaning out her place and talking with other folks, a clearer picture came through. My mother was dealing with far too many burdens that seemingly joined together as one overwhelming foe. By the time she realized that her separate problems had metastasized into one massive force, it was likely too much for her to handle...and yes, it does make me wonder how exactly she died. Due to our residences being in different states, I didn't ask for an autopsy, so I don't have precise knowledge of the means of her death. There is the possibility that her death was, let's just say "selected," but again, I can't entirely say.
Here's what I can say, though. When my mother was trying to handle any problem, she only looked forward enough to solve it, and nothing more beyond. Her thought process was, as L. had said many times, "Give us this day our daily bread," as she couldn't plan too far ahead for herself. Occasionally, she could observe that certain things were beyond her, such as riding a road bicycle with drop handlebars, but observations like that would stop there. Her short-term thinking is a warning for me not to follow her path, to do something that requires planning and a long-term approach. Blogging and photography both need me to set aside time in my day to sketch out short-term tasks to complete bigger projects, which will help me organize my schedule. Just giving me my “daily bread” won’t be enough to grow these creative endeavors. I know one day my mind might not work as well, or my body might betray me, or I might miss out on opportunities because of something or other. It’s not a fear of death, but rather a desire to live life to the fullest and do something interesting and creative while I have that life to live.
Hmm. I should wash dishes some more. Let's see what other thoughts hop into my mind while I'm doing without thinking.
This will get a post of its own, along with some meh-tastic photos which are more a learning experience than ones I really like. I do have it in the back of my mind to find a better film camera, but right now I'm in no hurry.↩
I won't say more about this until I make more progress on it, or reach a point where it won't be feasible. Sorry to be cryptic.↩